Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
