Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
