my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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