Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize