I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
