would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
