Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
