So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
