We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
