I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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