i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
