Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my sisters under your porch take her home
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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