ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
