I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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