I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
