Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
