I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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