hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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