He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
