if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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