i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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