so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
