mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
is that a dick in a sweater?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
