My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
this is an emotional support booty call
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
