where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
