Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
