I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I love you. Go after that dick
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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