You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
