Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
