i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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