Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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