I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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