I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
