I think I died a long time ago.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
