well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
