I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
