First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
