I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
