i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
being pregnant is like rehab
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
