Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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