Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
