Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
where does the pee come out of this thing
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
