you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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