no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
