Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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