Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
