i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
