yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
false alarm, still single
Randomize