grandma shit on top of the toilet
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
