You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
