And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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