somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
