yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
