Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
