I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize