you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize