I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
