"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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