Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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