He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
