I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize