the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
