Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
