Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
