Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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