she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
